Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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