I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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