i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
jump out the window naked night went bad
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
