I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
