FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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