just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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