I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
