You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
