did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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