He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
