sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
