Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
