in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
