my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't deserve a penis
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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