3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
