I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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