She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
