NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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