u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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