I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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