I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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