I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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