i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
