one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
