I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
