Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
