i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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