And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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