At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
