can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we're making bets on your personal life
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
