you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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