yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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