Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
