Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
we're making bets on your personal life
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
