I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
where are my eyebrows?
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