So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
