thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
