you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
