dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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