New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
