I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
