just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
