were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
