Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I have grass duct taped all over my body
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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