She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
