I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
