how can u be prego again
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
