just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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