there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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