Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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