Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
